Wisdom From the Sage
Be a person of worldly intelligence if you desire to sit with kings. The man who only carries the limited scope of his village will be a laughing stock.
Welcome to the Barbarian’s Guide to Cooking. You might be asking yourself, “Am I a barbarian?”, or “How can I tell if my neighbor is a barbarian?” The original definition of barbarian is anyone who is from a foreign land. So the short answer to your questions is: Yes, everyone in the world is a Barbarian when visiting another country.
The recipes we publish on this website are as true to it’s origan as we can get. If we believe we can improve the original recipe, then we cook like a barbarian and kick it into high gear.
That being said, readers should be warned that aside for Recipes, Cooking Tips, Travel Advice and Barbarian History, we have also packed this website is full of satire, sarcasm and humor. So ride along with Conan and his horde as we Conquer the World of Cooking, barbarian style!
Food for Our GuestsNow ServingRecipes From the Barbarians’ Cookbook!
Counsel to ChefsLearn MoreEssential Kitchen Tricks and Tips!
The Barbarian's World Map of Food and Travel
Wisdom for WanderersSo Says the SoothsayerA Wise Man Must Be Many Different Things!
Become a Barbarian
Free
/ For Life
/ For Life
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Welcome to the Horde
By pledging to become a Barbarian, you gain advantages not available to others.
Become a Chieftain
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24
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Lead the Horde
By pledging to become a Chieftain, you gain advantages not available to other Barbarians.
Become a Demi-God
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120
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/ year
/ month
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Rule the Horde
By pledging to become a Demi-God, you gain advantages not available to other Barbarians and Chieftains.
Meet The BarbariansFrom the Pages of HistoryCrush Your Enemies, See Them Driven Before You and Hear the Lamentations of Their Women!
Meet the TeamThe Barbarian HoardThe Barbarian Hoard
A Barbarian's Meal PlanerA Random Selection to Get You Through the Day!
16
Recipes Cooked
4
Kitchen & Garden Tips
12
Cities Visited
4
Writing the Barbarian Past
Learn to Cook Like a Barbarian:
THE BARBARIAN'S GUIDE TO COOKING
Your wife has just informed you that the inlaws are coming over for a barbecue and you’re going to be grilling. You are excited because you’re going to be using your new GrillMaster 5000. As you fire up the grill, you discover you’re out of BBQ sauce because your wife gave it to the neighbors for a barbecue they're having.
What’s a Barbarian to do? Turn to page #132 in your Barbarian’s Guide to Cooking and follow with me to discover the correct course of action.
- You stomp over to your neighbor’s house, kick down the door and snatch the BBQ sauce from the hands of your neighbor.”
- You tell your wife “Come hither winch and fetch me a new bottle of BBQ sauce and a six pack of beer from the store.”
- Tell your father-in-law “Step aside you saxon dog, I have a recipe for BBQ sauce.”
Use any of these phrases in such a situation and there will be no doubt in anyone's mind about what kind of Barbarian you are.