Wisdom From the Sage
The critical man is quick to point the finger and causes much dismay amongst others. He is unknowing that he too shares in their faults.
Welcome to “The Barbarian’s Guide to Cooking”! You might be wondering, “Am I a barbarian?” or “Could my neighbor be a barbarian?” To put it simply, a barbarian was historically anyone from a foreign land. So, when traveling abroad, we’re all essentially ‘barbarians’!
Our culinary concoctions remain as authentic to their origins as possible. But when we think a recipe could use a twist, we unleash our inner barbarian and take it up a notch!
Be forewarned, this website isn’t just about recipes, cooking tips, travel advice, and fascinating tidbits from barbarian history. It’s also laced with satire, sarcasm, and a hearty dose of humor. So, join us on this culinary adventure with Conan and his horde as we conquer the world of cooking, barbarian style!
Food for Our GuestsNow ServingRecipes From the Barbarians’ Cookbook!
Counsel to ChefsLearn MoreEssential Kitchen Tricks and Tips!
The Barbarian's World Map of Food and Travel
Wisdom for WanderersSo Says the SoothsayerA Wise Man Must Be Many Different Things!
Become a Barbarian
Free
/ For Life
/ For Life
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Welcome to the Horde
By pledging to become a Barbarian, you gain advantages not available to others.
Become a Chieftain
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24
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/ month
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Lead the Horde
By pledging to become a Chieftain, you gain advantages not available to other Barbarians.
Become a Demi-God
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120
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/ year
/ month
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Rule the Horde
By pledging to become a Demi-God, you gain advantages not available to other Barbarians and Chieftains.
Meet The BarbariansFrom the Pages of HistoryCrush Your Enemies, See Them Driven Before You and Hear the Lamentations of Their Women!
Meet the TeamThe Barbarian HoardThe Barbarian Hoard
A Barbarian's Meal PlanerA Random Selection to Get You Through the Day!
16
Recipes Cooked
4
Kitchen & Garden Tips
12
Cities Visited
4
Writing the Barbarian Past
Learn to Cook Like a Barbarian:
THE BARBARIAN'S GUIDE TO COOKING
Your wife has just informed you that the inlaws are coming over for a barbecue and you’re going to be grilling. You are excited because you’re going to be using your new GrillMaster 5000. As you fire up the grill, you discover you’re out of BBQ sauce because your wife gave it to the neighbors for a barbecue they're having.
What’s a Barbarian to do? Turn to page #132 in your Barbarian’s Guide to Cooking and follow with me to discover the correct course of action.
- You stomp over to your neighbor’s house, kick down the door and snatch the BBQ sauce from the hands of your neighbor.”
- You tell your wife “Come hither winch and fetch me a new bottle of BBQ sauce and a six pack of beer from the store.”
- Tell your father-in-law “Step aside you saxon dog, I have a recipe for BBQ sauce.”
Use any of these phrases in such a situation and there will be no doubt in anyone's mind about what kind of Barbarian you are.